Revelations of divine care - with Melody Escobar
Episode 22 of Careful Thinking
Episode 22 of the Careful Thinking podcast features my conversation with Melody Escobar. Melody is the author of Revelations of Divine Care: Disability, Spirituality, and Mutual Flourishing, which was published last year by Baylor University Press. The book explores the lived experiences of caregivers of children with disabilities, drawing on the writings of the medieval Christian mystic Julian of Norwich.
Melody is currently a postdoctoral research associate at Baylor University, a private Christian University in Waco, Texas, where she is a member of the Baylor Collaborative on Faith and Disability in the Center for Developmental Disabilities. Before joining the university, Melody had a career in corporate communications and human resources management spanning 18 years. She has served as a Catholic lay minister in various capacities for more than 10 years and has also worked as a chaplain resident at a hospital in San Antonio.
Melody’s research and publications in Christian spirituality and practical theology focus on families who experience disability, innovative models of ministry, and curricula advancing inclusion and belonging in academic and spiritual life. She lectures on religion and disability, eco-justice, and mysticism.
Melody Escobar
Last December, I wrote a post reflecting on what a number of my podcast guests had said about the influence of religious faith on their thinking about care. In that post, I expressed a wish to invite more guests on to the podcast who were working at the intersection of faith, spirituality, and care. Coincidentally (or providentially, depending on your point of view), a Facebook friend read the post and messaged me to say that he was currently reading Melody's book, and he thought I might find it interesting. So I got hold of a copy of the book and read it, and it turned out my friend was right. I found Melody's book fascinating, in part because of its references to the ideas of Julian of Norwich, one of my favourite spiritual writers, but also because of the way the book combines spiritual insight with academic rigour and thoughtful reflection on the author’s personal experience as the mother of a child with a disability.
Melody’s research makes a significant contribution to the field of disability theology, and her primary target audience is clearly those who share her religious perspective and those with an interest in the spiritual aspects of care. However, I believe that her findings will also be of interest to anyone, whatever their belief system, who is concerned about care for people with disabilities, the nature of maternal care, and the ways in which community and social structures can better support that care. As Melody says in the episode, the stories of the mothers she interviewed ‘speak to universal human experiences’ and ‘present experiences that transcend religious boundaries’.
My conversation with Melody on the podcast began by exploring the ways in which her professional background, religious faith, and personal experience as the mother of a child with a disability, led to her academic work in the field of disability theology. Melody talked about her son Raffy, his diagnosis of speech apraxia, and the transformative experience of equine-assisted therapy, which also provided Melody with the inspiration for the research studies discussed in her book. Melody then described her introduction to the writings of the medieval English mystic Julian of Norwich, and how the latter’s vision of the maternal love of God offered insights into mothers’ care for their disabled children. This led into a discussion of Melody’s research with mothers at the equine centre, exploring the spiritual transformation they experienced as the result of caring for a child with a disability.
We talked about Melody’s focus in her research on the role of kenotic or self-giving love, and her response to feminist critiques which caution against glorifying self-denial in a way that reinforces oppressive roles for women. Melody emphasised that this kind of unconditional love can’t be sustained without community support, including greater awareness and understanding within faith communities, as well as wider social change and policy reform. An important finding from Melody’s research is the way in which intimate care for a disabled child often leads to a more expansive concern with creating a more just and compassionate society. In the final section of the episode, we talked about Melody’s current ethnographic project with an inclusive church community close to her university, which will be the focus of her next book.
I had meant to end the conversation by asking Melody how her son Raffy was doing now, and I felt bad that I’d forgotten to do so. However, I followed up with Melody by email, and she replied: ‘Raffy is doing well - music and performance art have become meaningful avenues for his growth and brought him joy and a sense of purpose.’
There were a number of interesting connections and parallels between my conversation with Melody and previous episodes of the podcast. In its focus on the experience of parents of disabled children, including the author's own experience, Melody’s work reminded me of Aaron Jackson's book Worlds of Care: The Emotional Lives of Fathers Caring for Children with Disabilities, which I discussed with him in Episode 12 of the podcast, with Melody's focus on mothers’ experiences offering an interesting complement to Aaron's concern with fathers. Melody’s emphasis on the importance of hospitality, which she witnessed at the equine centre, also recalled my discussion with Xavier Symons in Episode 2 of the podcast about the need to rediscover the virtue of hospitality in care. Similarly, Melody’s exploration of the contested notion of kenotic love echoed my interview earlier this year with Andries Baart and Guus Timmerman, about their book on relational care, as well as my conversation in Episode 17 with Inge van Nistelrooij about her work on sacrifice and self-sacrifice in care. In addition, Melody’s discussion in Revelations of Divine Care, about the potential of intimate care for a loved one to generate a wider concern with social justice and inclusion, echoed my discussion of similar questions with James Thompson in Episode 11. Finally, Melody’s focus on maternal care is the latest contribution to an ongoing debate about motherhood and maternal experience running through a number of recent episodes of the podcast: from Sarah Munawar in Episode 13, through my conversations with Susi Ferrarello in Episode 14, Elissa Strauss in Episode 16 and Inge van Nistelrooij in Episode 17, to the discussion of surrogacy and the mother-child bond with Priya Sharma in Episode 18.
Image via Baylor Center for Developmental Disabilities (https://bcdd.soe.baylor.edu/)
Here are some quotes by Melody from our conversation:
This book would certainly not exist without my experience as a mother caregiver to Raffy…At that time, my doctoral studies converged with my lived experience, especially after Raffy was born and diagnosed with a disability at age 3. So I was navigating new territory as a mother, as a caregiver, as a researcher. So that season of my life really reshaped everything, my sense of vocation, my faith, even the questions I brought to my research. So while navigating this care for my son, I was brought into close community with other caregivers and children. And that's when I began to see how much spiritual depth and theological wisdom is present in these often-overlooked spaces of caregiving. So naturally, our family's journey became a lens through which I approached my academic work. Something we talk about in the study of Christian spirituality is how it is both informative and transformative. And I would say that was certainly true for me. So the stories of the other families, my own journey with Raffy, became a kind of sacred text, you could say, forming the heart of the book.
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I first became introduced to Julian in my doctoral studies through the Julian scholar Philip Sheldrake, and became captivated by her book, ‘Revelations of Divine Love’. And it felt like her writing spoke across the centuries to me and was directly speaking to some of the questions that I had. And her language of God's maternal love stayed with me and impacted my understanding of this all-encompassing care for every life form that this image of the maternal love of God provokes...She offers profound insights into the nature of God's love and mercy. And I found that her theology centred on this vision of the maternal love of Christ, a love that swaddles us like a child and enfolds all of creation, to just be very informative to my study with the mothers...So I found it helpful to put Julian and the mothers I interviewed in dialogue as a way to reflect on God's abiding presence in everyday caregiving and how God's love manifests in their daily acts of care.
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One of the major themes that resonated across the mothers’ stories was this profound transformation that occurred as a result of caring for their child with a disability. The mothers became more inclusive and attuned to the needs of others and often expressed that they didn't want anyone else to feel this kind of exclusion or isolation that they had experienced. So this pain became a powerful catalyst for creating spaces of care and welcome for others.
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In engaging the feminist critiques of kenosis, which rightly caution against glorifying self-denial in ways that reinforce oppressive roles, especially for women, I approach the mothers’ caregiving not as the loss of their personal identity, but as a form of love marked by their agency...what...the mothers say they woke up and chose to do each day, representing both their resilience and embodied presence in caregiving. What emerged from their stories for me also was not passivity, but a chosen relational form of self-giving grounded in the love for their child. So kenosis read in that way is something that re-oriented their identity around interdependence and a love born of deep commitment. So I think rather than endorsing a romanticised ideal of suffering, the mothers’ experiences call for a more nuanced understanding of kenosis as a love that is enduring and at times costly, and one that requires kenotic solidarity...where every member of the community participates in self-giving love as a shared practice.
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The mothers’ stories make very clear that this form of unconditional care cannot be sustained in isolation. Without practical supports and services, even the most devoted caregiving becomes exhausting and unsustainable. So, one example...is the need for accessible respite care, periods of rest which emerge strongly in the mothers’ stories, not only for the caregivers, but also for the children with disabilities who benefit from a break from the routine of daily life, experiencing new activities or forming connections with others outside the home. So to truly support these families, I think care has to be seen not as the sole responsibility of individuals, but as something shared, backed by systems, services and communities that recognise the dignity and value of long-term caregiving.
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Caregiving, particularly for a child with a disability, often does widen one's sense of responsibility to others and to equity. The mothers weren't just focused on the needs of their own children. Over time, their caregiving led them to speak before legislatures and school boards and faith communities to advocate for access and meaningful change for all persons who experience discrimination. So their love grew into something expansive. I came to see their caregiving and my own, not only as an expression of personal love, but as a form of lived theology, a way of embodying what it means when we say to love your neighbour through often costly acts of solidarity...This study and my own experience has helped me recognise that caregiving can indeed transform us into more caring citizens and invites us all to bring about a more just and compassionate world.
You can listen to the whole episode here, or wherever you get your podcasts.
You can download a transcript of the episode here:
The header image is Ronaldo Tuazon’s painting for the cover of Julian of Norwich: Wisdom in a Time of Pandemic and Beyond by Matthew Fox (permission sought). The picture alludes to this passage from Julian’s Revelations of Divine Love: ‘He showed me a little thing the size of a hazelnut, in the palm of my hand, and it was as round as a ball. I looked at it with my mind's eye and I thought, “What can this be?” And the answer came, “It is all that is made”. I marvelled that it could last, for I thought it might have crumbled to nothing, it was so small. And the answer came into my mind, “It lasts and ever shall because God loves it”. And all things have being through the love of God.’